Life

Life is different now

It has taken me months (and months) to feel strong enough to write a post that outlines just how traumatic and disturbed I was for the second half of last year.

I was in a really dark place. I made very bad decisions, I made decisions based on impulse and I upset and hurt a lot of people.

For that I am truly sorry.

The struggles of daily life hit me and got to me more than anyone can possibly understand.

alone

From the outside, people would see a full time working family, that were well groomed, organised, earned a decent living and that had their ducks in a row (so to speak). They would think we spent weekends as a family, happy and smiling, playing games and baking.

Whereas in reality Monday to Friday moulded into one super long day. Sticking to a routine was the only way we could ever get things done. Weekends were spent doing the washing and cleaning, and taking little man to his swimming and football classes. If we could muster up the energy, we would maybe take little man for a walk in the afternoon, or at least a babyccino at Costa just to pass the time.

In all of this, it is important to remember that little man always does and always will comes first. Even when I didn’t step up as his mummy last year, his Dad was there to take over.

It has taken 6 weeks of tiresomely working to fight for little mans attention again. To stop him going to Daddy first and wanting his mummy to do something for him.

It broke my heart when I realised how much my wellbeing had impacted on his life and how he saw me – someone that did what she wanted and walked in and out of the house without a care in the world.

This wasn’t the case though. The truth was that I had so many worries that I couldn’t cope any longer. I wanted to break free of this mould that I found myself in.

The good thing about moulds is that they can be changed. I am different person to who I was 6 months ago, and a better person than I was 2 months ago.

Of course life is hectic. The only people little man has around him on a daily basis are the girls at nursery that look after him, myself and his daddy. If we don’t cook dinner, do the washing and take little man to his activities, no one else will. And that is okay.

What I have learnt is that the person I want to be is right here. She never really went away. She just had to change and adapt herself and come back stronger.

Friends will come and go. We all change and experience different issues and problems with our own lives, but there will always be those few rare diamond friends who will stick with you through thick and thin – they will be your sidekick when you want to go out for a few drinks and not be mum for a few hours; they will be on the end of the phone when you need to moan about work or daily life.

Life is different now. I am different. But in the best and most amazing way I didn’t even know possible.

Everything is going to be okay.

Busy Working Mummy XOXO

Mummuddlingthrough
Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Life is different now

  1. Aww hon, sounds like you had a really tough time for whatever reasons. But I’m glad you are coming out the other side of it. Sometimes life gets on top of you like that and you can’t make sense of it all. But these things are recoverable and your little man will always love you and forgive you. Great to hear your relationship is getting back to full strength! #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah lovely this sounds super hard, and it’s really positive that you recognised it and have managed to turn it around. You should be super proud of that. It’s so hard working and being a Mum, and I know how you feel about the “one long day”. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It sounds like you have a sense of clarity about what’s been going on, and where you need to be. Sending love and positive Mum vibes lovely, you’re doing your best xxxxx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub, and being honest – it isn’t all sunshine and roses all the time so it’s important to reflect on the bad as well as the good x

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s