Living with anxiety is really difficult for loads of reasons. When you have a little person to also think about, it makes it even harder.
You cannot be seen to be irrational or emotional. Toddlers don’t understand. It isn’t their fault.
I have good days and bad days. On a bad day, I don’t want to leave the house, and just driving to work brings on a panic attack.
A weekend affects little man more as during the week he is at nursery. Sometimes I have to battle with myself to take him swimming.
My thought process can sometimes be irrational. What if I am late? What if I cannot find a space for us to get ready in the changing room? Yet I try and battle through to take him. It isn’t fair to not take him to something he enjoys so much.
I don’t have the confidence to take him out on his own on a Saturday afternoon. I pray and hope he is in a good mood and that the weather is nice so we can at least go out in the garden to get some fresh air.
If little man has a toddler tantrum, sometimes I handle it better than other times. Sometimes I have to stand in a different room and try and remain calm, remembering to breathe. Remember it isn’t his fault, he doesn’t understand why a red brick is the same as a blue brick, or that he cannot climb in the freezer drawers in the kitchen.
Anxiety can take over if you let it, and it can affect your children.
They need strong parental role models to show them how to behave and act. That is what brings on the guilt. I don’t think that I am sometimes a strong parental role model.
That is why being a strong parental unit is crucial. Hubby looks after little man so that I can have an hour at the weekends to go to the gym – away from being mum, away from being a colleague at work. Just an hour helps clear my head and focus on my own thoughts and feelings.
This post is written to let people understand that having anxiety and raising children is really difficult. Hopefully it can help others understand quite how difficult ‘normal’ things can be at times.
But it is also written to show that you can raise the most amazing children and still deal with these issues – because parents find a way!