…is exhausting. I don’t ever remember being quite as controlling as I am now about what I eat.
I used to carry excess puppy fat when I was younger, plus I was ginger. As you can imagine, this was a recipe for bullying with a capital B.
I have always had a love/hate relationship with food, and at the moment it is definitely more hate.
Dealing with anxiety and control issues on a daily basis means that I do what I need to do to keep these feelings to a minimum.
It unfortunately just so happens that these feelings die down when I don’t eat an awful lot. I am happiest if I stick to my food diary and know how many calories I have eaten that day.
Okay, I can hear people reading this and thinking that I may have some sort of eating problem. I don’t, I can assure you.
I do eat, and I do eat chocolate at weekends. It is just that I feel guilty about eating naughty things, and then I end up not eating something during the day to compensate for the additional calories.
It is hard seeing so many different diets and plans out there encouraging healthy eating and fitness, when you deal with anxiety. If I were to take part in them, I would go the absolute extreme.
Weighing yourself every day is exhausting, and can alter your mood in a second depending on what the scales say that day. Again, this is habit and part of controlling anything I can. It isn’t really about the weight, it is about what it represents.
So I am writing about this in the hope that some of you reading this may have gone through something similar.
To those of you that have, I understand, and I go through it on a daily basis. You are not alone.
To those of you that can eat cake and not feel guilty about it, good on you. Never change, and make sure you support others that possibly do feel guilty, without making them feel even worse.
Busy Working Mummy XOXO