Every Friday for a few weeks, I will be running a mini series titled ‘Why I won’t…’
The first topic is –
Think about a world where you feel you have do something and don’t have any other choice. That is how my head operates every second of every single day. It is absolutely exhausting.
I already write about how I am quite controlling about situations, and am not good with change. I am also not good with when things don’t go to plan.
Now in my full time job I run events and look after marketing activity so I am fully aware that things don’t go to plan. I can cope with this at work. I am used to it, so my mind is open to things going wrong and me being able to fix them.
Move that to outside work, and it all goes a little bit awry. Now I won’t ever stop trying to be perfect. I don’t particularly even want to change that part of me. I love my clean house, the meals that I cook my family are mostly fresh and home cooked meals. Our weekends are filled with quality family time, mixed in with me trying to fit in time at the gym and chores at convenient times.
It is hard work, I am not going to lie. Trying to be perfect and having everything just so is difficult.
However, I am now coming to the realisation that even though I won’t stop trying to be perfect, I will stop trying to put this immense pressure on myself and understand that if I don’t want to do something from time to time, then that is okay.
I want to be able to eat a biscuit from a packet, without worrying about crumbs falling on the floor.
I want to walk around my house looking upwards and not looking at the floor for bits and crumbs to pick up.
I want to be able to hoover the kitchen floor because I want to not because I feel I have too.
I want to be able to not lose my shit when my curtain pole falls down in my lounge. Not strop around yelling at everyone and being an absolute knob because I now have no curtains in my lounge until my house gets decorated at the end of the month.
I want to be able to play messy games and bake with little man without worrying and stressing about the mess that comes with it.
I want to be able to not jump on the scales every day and worry when the weight has gone up a pound or two.
I want to eat a burger without feeling guilty and worrying how much weight I will now put on.
There is a lot of WANTS in there, and I am prepared to work hard to potentially tick a few off the list.
For a lot of people reading this, it will be difficult to relate to. Eating a burger without feeling guilty? Eating a biscuit from a packet and not using a plate? These are just every day activities for a lot of people.
For me they are not. For me, doing these things means I am not perfect anymore. My version of perfect anyway. (I am also aware that there is no such thing as perfect).
It isn’t about all these articles and pressures that others are putting on mums these days. I don’t give into peer pressures and silly people’s opinions. The pressure for whatever reason lies with me.
So even though I won’t ever stop trying to be perfect, I will try and let my guard down occasionally, and not feel guilty for doing one of those little things I want so much to be able to do.
Do you ever worry about getting it right from a personal perspective all the time?
Busy Working Mummy XOXO