So it hit me hard on Monday morning getting in to work. I was having a meeting actually when I suddenly felt really sad and started getting incredibly anxious.
Not because of the meeting I was in, but because my phone went off. My instant thought was to run to check it wasn’t nursery calling about little mans first day back.
It wasn’t. It was bloody PPI!
Then I started thinking – Oh god, it’s just me again. If nursery calls, and little man is poorly, there is no one else to rely on anymore.
I got so used to my mother in law being there for 6 days that I sort of forgot what needs to be done to get little man ready. Dropping him to nursery, picking him up, doing bath time and bed time on my own.
It might sound ridiculous but it has been such a novelty having someone there all the time. I lost the ability to actually think about what needs to be done. I also forgot that I used to and am still more than capable of doing it myself…but I just don’t want to.
It is a really difficult transition to make. More and more people are moving away from their families to follow a career and/or partner. This then means that when the time comes to start a family, they bring up their little one away from their parents aka the grandparents.
You get used to relying on alternative childcare providers and it becomes a normality for you.
So when Nanny offered to come up for the week to look after little man so hubby and I could continue to work (during chicken pox club), it did get to me a bit that these times are so few and far between.
The problem is, that I sometimes forget that so many others are in the same boat as me. I hear so many stories and know so many people that drop their children off to the grandparents for the day, pop them over at weekends whilst they go and get a hair cut, you get the idea.
I don’t hear from the many parents that cannot do that. Is that because we don’t feel that we can shout about it?
We shouldn’t feel bad or embarrassed about the fact we choose to bring our children up away from our families. We all just have to work that little bit harder to maintain a good relationship, to make sure that they don’t miss out on their grandchildren growing up.
I do sometimes listen to my colleagues talking about seeing their grandchildren at weekends or picking them up from pre school or swimming lessons. Do I wish I had this for my little boy? Of course I do.
However, it is important to remember that we can all still have this. We may not be able to pop our children over whilst we go for a coffee in town with hubby, but we can spend a whole weekend as a family making memories.
I have learnt that it is crucial that the time we all spend together is a memory not for us but predominantly for our children. It is an opportunity to watch them grow and develop. Plus it gives us parents a lovely break for a few hours at the same time….
So this week will definitely be about me finding my feet and feeling more independent again – and counting down to our next family weekend at Easter.
Busy Working Mummy XOXO