So i thought long and hard about writing this post. I didn’t know where to start, what to say, how to say it.
You see, I am not a positive person, i am not a happy person. I am a lonely, boring mummy that moans all the time. It has to stop. It is slowly destroying me.
I don’t compliment anyone, I don’t compliment myself. I give myself such a hard time and I can never quite let go and have fun. I worry about life, and then I moan about moaning.
It is a vicious circle. When did I become this person that I dislike?
Work is difficult for me at the moment, I have so much going on and I don’t know what to do for the best sometimes. Home is home. I spend so little time in it, no wonder it is white and clinical…just like me.
So sat at home on my own waiting for hubby to collect our little one from nursery, I have to make a decision and the decision is to stop all of this.
I will slowly spiral into a world of depression and anxiety again like when I was a teenager. Enough is enough.
I have so many things that are happy in my life, and i have to remember this. One day i will look back on this post and think about the words and what they meant at the time. I am saying goodbye to this person that I have become – it is the only way.
There will be days and weeks where families will argue and disagree. Who’s doesn’t? I will protect my family and always do what is best and what I believe is right, even if everyone else disagrees.
Both hubby and I have such loving families. We have just been away from them so long that it is difficult to spend long periods of time with them and find things in common anymore. You find more bad than good. You notice more and more changes.
That goes for my little family too. You sometimes get so caught up in every day life you forget what is important. I rarely mention hubby in my blog. I don’t want us to be destroyed too.
So my aim and early New Year Resolution is to resolve this with immediate effect. I will:
- Enjoy time with friends
- Make sure Hubby and I make time for each other
- Spend every weekend doing the best family stuff and bringing up our little man to be the happiest and luckiest boy in the world
- Find a positive in everything negative
- Stop this moaning & negative woman I am becoming
These aren’t easy for me, but if I succeed it will make me a better me and ultimately make our family happier.
Don’t shy away from how you feel. Own up to it, admit it, and deal with it….happiness will find you eventually.
Busy Working Mummy XOXO