Being happy is hard work…for now.

So i thought long and hard about writing this post. I didn’t know where to start, what to say, how to say it.

You see, I am not a positive person, i am not a happy person. I am a lonely, boring mummy that moans all the time. It has to stop. It is slowly destroying me.

I don’t compliment anyone, I don’t compliment myself. I give myself such a hard time and I can never quite let go and have fun. I worry about life, and then I moan about moaning.

It is a vicious circle. When did I become this person that I dislike?

crazy girl

Work is difficult for me at the moment, I have so much going on and I don’t know what to do for the best sometimes. Home is home. I spend so little time in it, no wonder it is white and clinical…just like me.

So sat at home on my own waiting for hubby to collect our little one from nursery, I have to make a decision and the decision is to stop all of this.

I will slowly spiral into a world of depression and anxiety again like when I was a teenager. Enough is enough.

I have so many things that are happy in my life, and i have to remember this. One day i will look back on this post and think about the words and what they meant at the time. I am saying goodbye to this person that I have become – it is the only way.

There will be days and weeks where families will argue and disagree. Who’s doesn’t? I will protect my family and always do what is best and what I believe is right, even if everyone else disagrees.

Both hubby and I have such loving families. We have just been away from them so long that it is difficult to spend long periods of time with them and find things in common anymore. You find more bad than good. You notice more and more changes.

That goes for my little family too. You sometimes get so caught up in every day life you forget what is important. I rarely mention hubby in my blog. I don’t want us to be destroyed too.

friends benj little man

So my aim and early New Year Resolution is to resolve this with immediate effect. I will:

  • Enjoy time with friends
  • Make sure Hubby and I make time for each other
  • Spend every weekend doing the best family stuff and bringing up our little man to be the happiest and luckiest boy in the world
  • Find a positive in everything negative
  • Stop this moaning & negative woman I am becoming

These aren’t easy for me, but if I succeed it will make me a better me and ultimately make our family happier.

Don’t shy away from how you feel. Own up to it, admit it, and deal with it….happiness will find you eventually.

Busy Working Mummy XOXO

Running in Lavender

9 thoughts on “Being happy is hard work…for now.

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this, it took a lot of courage. I suffered PND when my son was born in 2013 (which is what my blog is about actually) and since recovering I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what happiness means to me.

    The two best ways I have found to be happy are:

    1) turning negative thinking into positive, as you mentioned. This is so difficult (I am a pessimist by nature too) and takes a lot of practice but I’m getting there and it’s so powerful.

    2) Living for the present moment. I spent most of my adult life so far either striving for the future or dwelling on the past and it was part of what led to me becoming unwell. Now I try to absorb the present as much as possible and it’s great.

    Huge kudos to you for recognising how you’re feeling and making changes in your life to feel better. I’m sure you’ll find your way back to happiness and positivity soon.

    Thanks for sharing your words #sundaystars

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the comments. I am glad you are doing well now after your PND. I absolutely agree and thank you for sharing. It is really hard but I am hoping that by trying to be positive more will outweigh the negative thoughts more often than not xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I really understand what you mean and feel. I’ve really struggled this year with bereavement and work especially writing. Recently, I started doing #100happydays – I like taking photos but it’s help me find happiness in the small things of life too. Hope you have a lovely day with your little one and chap. Love bec xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is great that you can reflect and identify your emotions. Your already starting to move forward and helighted where areas you want to change.
    I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself but totally know as I have been there myself.
    Cab you.speak to your gp and get counselling and someone to talk not as sounds like a lot of stuff is going on and it can help break down all that stuff in the head. X #SundayStars


  4. We all have periods of being on a downer, it’s a brilliant thing when you have that moment you realise it’s time to snap out of it. Onwards and upwards, sending a big positive cool mum high five. x Thanks for joining in with #coolmumclub – a great place to start giving out compliments on the amazing reads 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hugely admire you for your honesty. Sometimes speaking out is the first step to making you feel better. You sound like you’ve got a great attitude and goals in place – you’ll get through the tough times and be stronger for them. Good on you for your positivity and sending you lots of happiness and luck going forward xx

    Liked by 1 person

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